Opening Night

Is tonight. I am very nervous but the faster this gets done the faster I can get everything else in my life done.

Yeah I haven't been doing well in my tests. My speech ( the midterm) , theatre appreciation( the first test) , and my math class( text number 2). Were all really bad grades(speech not sure but I am willing to place a bet on that).

So I hope to get study time in for things..I need to get my act together.

On the other hand, This is only the beginning of destruction.

Did I step on you?

I want to vent.

Heavily, while I am getting a back massage. But I have no time, so chiropractor will be on friday before class. Which sucks cause I will have lots of stress anyways on friday. I don't know what I will do. I need someone to help me out. Well Slushie does, but he is like. Don't let the bitch bother you. and I am like I wish I had the force so I can turn sith choke her to death and then go back to being a good jedi.

Cannot wait till my birthday

Okay, I wrote the short story in my deviant account.


But let me tell you, I have been wanting a camera for a very long time. Some of those that know me may be wondering, 'A camera? you have one, and you got your iphone 3gs. what else do you need or want?'

I may not need, but I do want and have been wanting since I have been in high school. A professional camera.
It's very costly, but I love it.


I had a choice between a canon, renowned for it's cameras, at a price for $899+. OR . A fujifilm fine pix HS10, that didn't look good in the article, at a price for $300-500+ .


I picked the fujifilm. At first to be perfectly honest, I wanted to get the canon because the article made it look good and I know that canon is a good company and brand.

BUT when I went to fujifilm's website because my brother told me fujifilm is good too. I SAW that the article gave it no justice. The specs were listed, but when you are talking to someone who is not affluent in photographer jargon. It gets confusing for someone who is not in the art of taking pictures.

I know I will talk to Selene to see if I can take pictures of her, because she is really beautiful. Of course she must dress up :)
And then of course, Slushie and I. (although he is self conscious and says that he is fat he will take pictures with me anyways).

However, my main thing I will do is to take Night shots for my dad. He loves those kinds of pictures You know the slow shutter speed kind where the lights of cars a blurs. It's amazing. I really want to do that for him. I might have to get a tripod for that. Maybe.


All that I know is that I badly want one. Why? because I have wanted one for so long that I really am getting impatient (although I still have patience) and anxious to have that camera in my hands. Hopefully by my birthday the price might get cheaper if not.. it is still a hell of a lot cheaper than the canon.

I want the world.

Drama Behind the Curtains.

Okay, I believe that I am a reasonably kind person and although I treat people with respect. There is only so much respect that I can give to those who believe that they deserve it when they don't give it. I am just talking about my job as stage manager. I believe I do a great job. I am sweet, kind and caring. I do my job, my actors do theirs.


One actor thought that they should also do my job.

Part of my job description is take line notes, write down blocking and make sure to do the rehearsal report and turn it in.
That actor thought they should take line notes. . . For me.

Let me tell you, this actor has a personal vendetta against me because I already chose the gift for the director(a tradition and the stage manager's duty). Now, forget what I got. Just they wanted to be in the know.
I do not have cliques nor am I in any cliques. The Gift was chosen because I was there and so was my asm and another one of my actors.

I don't care for drama even though I am involved in Theatre. You may think, how is this possible?

I love theatre.

I JUST HATE DRAMATIC PEOPLE!

Look if an Actor goes diva, it is often another person's job to bring them down to earth.

A stage manager is the second in command. (director is first) then comes asm and then the crew and then the actors. Actors have no power over crew. Why? Stage manager has power over everyone except the director. Director owns everyone. But there is no way an actor has more power than the stage manager. Nor should the actor nitpick the SM.

This person has a real problem... Me. So I am just going to do my job and hope that this person just bucks up and learns I can do this and they need to apologize. ( cause I tried to, that person wouldn't listen)


And if that person ever threatens to leave again, I will tell the director and we will handle it.

Trying to own up to Resolution

Ugh.. work keeps me busy. It is difficult to maintain such a schedule for too long. I need to memorize a monologue before january 12. ... ANd it is january 9.

I have homework to do.

I feel like a big mess. but I keep everything tied up in my strong hold.zzzzzzz

I know boring right?

My mate Slushie.. he is complaining about how school and work are conflicting... gets rather tedious when I hear someone who is talking like THAT when I am facing the same shit.
it is not a question about my love.. it is more of a question- can you please shut the eff up so I can help you?


I don't know what he thought I was doing... I am not really venting I am just trying to talk about something and that is one of the prominent things on my mind. . . I have already started on our journals.. He will get a good grade.. he doesn't have to complain.

How Time Flies

It's strange, but time flew for Christmas break. Not that I was having too much fun. In fact all I did was clean my room. Although, I am still in the process of organizing everything and finishing my cleaning. I still think it went quicker than expected. I got sick and I am very sorry for not being able to uphold my blog during that time. But nothing interesting happens during the holidays to me.

Now I must say I am back to my busy ways. Which gives more excitement but less time to blog. However, as a newfound new year resolution I will try to update my blog. Usually I type in brief notes in my on the go blog. But I never write too much n their. It is like a second twitter account.

Darlings, I must go to be now. Need to wake up early, I feel oh so nice. I can't exactly pinpoint my feelings at the moment but it's like being rich, happy and just oh so good.

I know I have weird descriptions but it is 1:29 am.. Give a tired girly a break


Toodles

Almost done with This semester

Yeah one more final, I'll be done... It's a math final, right now I am watching Fraggle Rock. I hope I passed all my theatre class with A's. Waiting for my boyfriend, just wanted to update a little.

I am broke trying to get a job schedule is erratic and I am tired and I want to read.

Geez

Okay wow. Long time no blog. Anyways I have been pretty busy with this new play 'Come Blow your Horn' I am House manager but I have been helping with everything.

As much as I could. Now I can't wait until January but first I need to get through finals. Before I start thinking of the future.

Sometimes I wish I could hope and it would come true but I can't do that. I just wouldn't be satisfied. I rather earn my keep then have it given to me. Why? Well maybe because I struggle so much I wouldn't want it to be given freely. I WANT THE FIGHT!

Ugh, before I get too philosophical as I know I do when I stare into space. Not space as in space for rent.. more like my brain contains an inner universe that I alone control and manipulate. With its own laws. I know. I know.. I am getting philosophical again, but with much ado I will go back to watching 'Californication' and procrastinating on what I must do... because well you know me. I AM JUST UP TO THE BRIM WITH FREE TIME! *rolls eyes* Don't indulge me.

In Class.

I like this class, I am talking about scene study. I am assigned to do a monologue. Which I will do, Phoebe from 'As you like it'
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
((SILVIUS and PHOEBE enter.))

PHOEBE
I would not be thy executioner.
I fly thee, for I would not injure thee.
Thou tell’st me there is murder in mine eye.
'Tis pretty, sure, and very probable
That eyes, that are the frail’st and softest things,
Who shut their coward gates on atomies,
Should be called tyrants, butchers, murderers.
Now I do frown on thee with all my heart,
And if mine eyes can wound, now let them kill thee.
Now counterfeit to swoon, why, now fall down;
Or if thou canst not, Oh, for shame, for shame,
Lie not, to say mine eyes are murderers.
Now show the wound mine eye hath made in thee.
Scratch thee but with a pin, and there remains
Some scar of it. Lean upon a rush,
The cicatrice and capable impressure
Thy palm some moment keeps. But now mine eyes,
Which I have darted at thee, hurt thee not.
Nor, I am sure, there is no force in eyes
That can do hurt.
~~~~~

PHOEBE
I don’t want to be your executioner: I’m trying to avoid you so that I won’t hurt you. You tell me my eyes are murderous—that’s a very pretty sentiment, and oh-so-probable, that my frail, soft eyes (which are so cowardly that they close their gates against dust) are tyrants, butchers, and murderers. I’m frowning at you with all my might right now. If my eyes can injure, let them kill you now. Go ahead. Faint, fall down—if you don’t, then you’re lying about my eyes being murderers. Come on, show me the wound that my eyes have caused. If you get scratched with a pin, it leaves a scar; even if you lean on a rush, it leaves an impression on your palm. But my eyes, which I’ve darted at you, haven’t even left a mark. Now I am sure that eyes can’t hurt a person.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~



Mrreow. :)

I can't wait till play directing.. Well first makeup then Play directing.

Thanksgiving

I love my boyfriend's family. I couldn't love them less. My family we try to be strong in the family, and we do have strong ties. But the amount of how many we have in comparison, I believe I have more family. But he has more immediate family. I have my cousins and grandparents. He has a larger amount of the ones that are around. His godfather and god mother were even there.


Although I know I have more family, he has more immediate family. I am kind of jealous, they knew each others names even. It makes me happy to see that his grandparents speak perfect english. So my bad spanish can take a rest, although I can understand them (like my grandparents) perfectly.

I just love Slushie.

As you all know..

I have a blog for rpgs, it is true I am trying to start one table top rpg of Hunters. Of which I cannot wait till I start but the thing is dming it.. will be difficult.


I saw this Television show, Sanctuary. It's a really good show. Gives me a whole bunch of ideas.

It's one of those things that I will be able to use against the players.

>) Because I am soooo devilishly evil.

I need to do some more research which I will inevitably get the chance to. FOR NOW..


I shall die of cramps.

MUHAWHAHAHA

In retrospect, Theatre Students are usually the most dedicated.

Fact: The Theatre itself is a very dangerous place.

Fact: Theatre people wear their heart on their sleeve.

Fact: In Theatre it is very likely you will be from morning to late at night in the theatre, breaks are permitted but even then Theatre people will only be outside not wanting to stay too far away from their home... I mean... Theatre.

Myth: Theatre People are dramatic. Fact: Some Theatre People are the worse you can ever meet(in terms of friendships).

Fact: Some Theatre People are the Greatest you can ever meet(in terms of friendships).

Fact: Favoritism does exist.

Fact: Favoritism doesn't exist.

Myth: The crew doesn't do anything.

Fact: Some Actors do become Divas.

Myth: Most Actors don't appreciate Crew.

Fact: Most Actors are in crew.

Myth: Actors get paid more than crew.

Fact: At one point or another you would have heard, met or have worked with or studied from Prof.D.Mello

Fact: Theatre students are afraid of disappointing D.Mello

Oh dear..

I have seemed to be plagued with a curse of not updating my blog D<

I am so sorry. I will give you a brief update.

My dad went to Mississippi for work.

I miss him lots.

Slushie and I almost broke up, but not an angry fight more like a- We love each other but we may not be ready at the present time. But luckily he stopped me from leaving him.... I felt so bad that I hurt him... I do.. but I can't seem to change.

Maybe I don't want to change.

Some shit happened between me and two of my friends.. I thought that they didn't care, they just can't see through my acting skills.

We fixed it.

I love Selene

I want to go to Victoria's secret to buy a good bra.

My boobs grew this week? ( IDK)

I'm addicted to Café World on FB.

Also, I am a shopaholic.

I'm broke.

I paid for my classes.

The wednesday of this week I was in the theatre from 10:30AM- 7:09PM, talk about dedication.

I want to buy a certain bracelet that I love!!!! But I think it would be so much better ( because i think I would lose it, break it, never wear it.. etc.)... if I gave it to DMELLO <3

I have to shop with Slushie more, he stops my spending habits a lot. He knows me too well.

I LOVE SLUSHIE!


AND my dad is coming home today :) He's been gone for a month.. I've been heartbroken with missing him soooo much.. Yes.. HEART BROKEN!
But I must, absolutely must SAY. I did do a great HARLEY QUINN for Spooky Nights.

Friday at Friday's

I love the restaurant, Friday's. It's my favorite. Or one of them. It's not the greatest. But for drinks,appetizers and dessert, it is pretty good. (I only really like one kind of main course there, the salmon honey glazed ?) At least compared to chili's it's sooooo much better.


But this happened a while ago. and by while I mean... 10/4/09 (6:45pm when I began typing it) Reason why I am writing about it is because well, I had this draft here. It's a rather funny story. But I shall make it short and sweet.

Selene waited so long at Friday's, In the end Georgie didn't go and neither did Aphrodite... SO I rushed over as quickly as I could. I felt so bad... I didn't know we would take that long.. I got there, me and Selene got a table but then we decided to sit by the bar to get half price.. LOL, let me tell you Selene was asked by our waitress how old she was.. I knew immediately that it was because someone wanted to buy her a drink. But Selene said, "I'm 18- I mean 19.. 19." Eventually, the "icebreaker" came.

IceBreaker: Hello ladies.
Selene and I: Hi~
IceBreaker: Now Ladies, there are two gentlemen that want to buy you two a drink or a dessert. Now how old are you two ladies?
Selene and I: . . .19
(me I wanted to tell him I had a boyfriend at that moment, but it wasn't the right moment)
IceBreaker: Okay than forget that I offered anything alcoholic, but the dessert is still on the table.
Me: Actually we already ordered our dessert.
IceBreaker: Well let them pay for it.
Me: I have a boyfriend.
IceBreaker: Oh.. well that's going to be hard. Now we have two guys, one is going to be left out... Now what to figure out.
Me: Just tell them that we're lesbians.
(Selene's eyes went wide, as I asked for her hand)
IceBreaker: Woah, quick thinking... now that might just do it.
( Selene and I went around holding hands and feeding each other dessert the rest of the night and pretending we were lesbian)

What a great night :)

Enjoyed my day.

I've spent money again. I am a big spender, I enjoyed my day with Selene. She and I have always spent a good time together. I feel like she is a very kind person. At least to me. I know that this is small, in contrast to my other blogged posts but there isn't much to write. I had fun with her, and I hope she had fun with me.

Oh and Selene.. MY TUMMY IS SOOOOO FULL!!! Ugh.. taco bell.. damn you and your deliciousness...


But all in all, Selene would know what I am referencing in this convo.. LOOK at our email about the friendship thing.. I rather not post it here but.. as long as you and I know. We are enlightened.

Oh my goodness...

What a streak of luck... or divinity. Okay okay, let me start from the beginning.

OKay Georgie and I were walking my dog, my Slushie was at work and I decided to do some school work with her. See I am in her class only for her, I am not actually taking it. Now, in a sense, I do have to do my best although it is not for a grade. It's for practice. As an actor I can't get enough of practice.

The thing is, we were running lines paying attention to little else, except walking my dog.. I have to tell you. We were distracted only for my dog.SO after we walked the dog came home talked about what we needed for the scene. Little else mattered... Or so I knew... Cause when I got into my car to drop Georgie off. Halfway to another main street. I made a very dangerous u-turn.... Like I didn't care if there were cars or anything I MADE that U-turn. I believe it was clear but I have no idea.... I just WENT. The reason: I LOST MY NECKLACE THAT SLUSHIE GAVE ME :( Now as soon as I got home, I looked through my room, walked with Georgie the whole area we walked. I was sooo upset.. I kept having a feeling it was at the smoothie place or it's parking lot. I felt all the sorrow one could feel, I wasn't thinking of the future. I wanted to cry. But I couldn't take Georgie to the smoothie place again and make her search with me.. it wasn't fair to her. So I took her too the college we both go to so she can get into her car and drive home. She knew how bad I felt, she's really my soul twin.

I kept apologizing to Slushie, because I felt so bad. I love Him and everything he gives me I hold dear. You can only imagine how I felt when I lost my necklace. Now the next morning my gut was telling me ( more like a feeling guided me..I just felt hollow in my stomach) to go back to the smoothie place.. or call them first and check while you are on the way. I did call them. They didn't have it or find it on their floor. I knew one last place to look... The parking lot.

I prayed to my goddess and god that somehow it would still be there. I don't think I had to promise anything, but I knew I would have to be kinder.. I believe I have to be kinder to my mother... who isn't all there. Now enough about her... I was about to turn in to park at the same parking space I parked in. . . . . . . I had my face plastered to the window so I immediately saw it. My feeling was so powerful that it struck me I almost left my car in drive.. so I put it in park ran out picked it up ran back inside and checked it.. It looked bent but I don't care, you can't notice. The only thing is it does have a few scratches on the front from the rough pavement maybe someone parked over it or something. I am so happy no one took it.

I didn't curse it.... I actually said, well if anyone does take it. I hope it fills their life with happiness. Like it did mine...

OH BOY WAS I RIGHT!!!
I was soooo happy. Relieved. It's like when you have to pee really badly, but you have been holding it in for a long while.... You can't run or you will pee. You have to try to walk quickly cause it is almost there you don't care to lock the door even in a public stall you get the closest on to the door you still check for toilet seat cleanliness while you are unzipping unbuckling and or unbuttoning. Then you pull down your pants and pee like a racehorse and .... you let out that moan of relief.... I believe that was how relieved I was... That physical need.

Yes.

That need.

I am so glad I have my necklace back, I am not wearing it at the moment. I am waiting till we make it able to wear... The silk rope we need to burn the knot..and I am going to buy a long chain for it.


Oh I am so happy. My love and I are smiling... I love it...


YES!!!

Grimm's Complete Fairy Tales

I have fully immersed myself with these children stories. Oh I fell in love with them before but now I have my own and am reading them chronologically. Even though there is no real order. I just like it better that way. So as I must comment. I still have not received my blue scarf. I also lost my necklace today, the one that my boyfriend bought me. I felt very depressed. I couldn't do anything. I feel horrible about it. He says not to worry, but I love him and in turn love every gift he gets me... Stupid rope.. it was always untying itself in inopportune moments.

:) Good, no rocky boat

Yeah, for a while... My boyfriend and I were in very rocky waters. It's good that we aren't now, I don't think I would be happy if we were. Since well, you can only guess a fragment of how much I love him. Unless you are in love with someone right now... Well.. you would be able to guess a tinier bit more I believe. I realized that no relationship is perfect, that you have to work on/at it.

Anyways, he can't go to the cast party. So I will be taking Selene, she is so nice to me. But she won't take anyones crap I bet, like if I was mean and stuff. But poor Georgie, she has an all nighter to do. She will go for an hour but she has to leave after that to the all nighter. Sometimes, I wish I could pause time. But that would fuck up our axis... among other things like our rotation, and all the clocks in the world would be minutes late. Cast party= <3


I cannot wait till later, why? well... Callbacks are today and I will find out if I get called back. I know I won't because..... I effed up on my monologue. Oh but Selene auditioned... However, there will always be this fear I might lose her. Cause well... I am an oddball, Georgie is an oddball, Aphrodite is an oddball. The oddballs are the outcasts of the theatre group(but the good kind of outcasts), we aren't the regular kind. We are also outcasts of "normal" society, because we are "Drama" Kids. Georgie is a techie, Aphrodite and I are actors, and Selene will hopefully join us. But we don't want to lose her. Mainly because there are factions within factions. If you catch my drift, I don't do that.... but not everybody loves like I do. I have a heart for almost everyone I meet. They can abuse it, use it, or whatever with it. But I do have a heart for them. That is why I say 'I love you' to them. If they break it... maybe they might get that heart back or maybe it is irreparable. But I love them, each and everyone of them. In their own way... Sometimes I break down though, and think I am not loved. But why wouldn't they love me?

I know they do, even if they don't show it.


Hope my boyfriend doesn't get jealous. He owns the whole heart. There are just many factions within it. ;)

Two words... Math Test

Okay I am nervous about this math test.. Why? Cause I got a B on the first one. An F on the second. I need an A on this one. I also need to memorize my monologue. As well as get some art supplies for my mask. I am just so tired though. I haven't slept that much lately. So being perpetually tiresome isn't good. Especially when I rather lay down in bed and sleep than study. Which I need to do right now.

I must say my goodbyes. I will let you know what grade I get.

Unless it's another F. Than I might as well die. This is the second time I am taking this class. I don't need an F.

A Deeper Appreciation

Yes, it is true. I have a deeper appreciation for crew and all sorts of tech. As an actor, I always have been very courteous, and loving of anyone who made me up or dressed me or did anything involving the show.

Now, I see (since I am crewing the show) how much of a relief I am to anyone that crews. I am sweet. Most actors are not, I do not like that I do not get the same treatment of how I treat my crew from the actors. Most of them I know very well. Why must actors have diva modes? I do not understand this. I never had diva mode, unless I was pretending to. But damn it.

I hate being a bitch. It sucks cause I can be sweet most of the time. But if I do one mean thing I would be labeled a bitch.


I do not want to be a bitch, why? No one likes a bitch. . . I don't like a bitch.

So excuse me, I am sorry if I get frustrated and sometimes I want to cry because I just feel like bonking them on the head and then... taking their place in the show.

But I don't know the lines.. I know some.. but not all of them. I also wouldn't want to do that because well... I rather not.
I love acting, but this isn't a play for me. I could, but it would suck with me in it.

SO I am just venting. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .

Otherwise, dead actors might be posted on the newspaper.. Just kidding... maybe.